Courtesy of Weheartit

If anyone can step up against the man, it’s the Cowgirls. After a recent incident involving a suspended license, a tow truck, and three automobiles held hostage, we decided to write ourselves a little list (you know how much we love lists). The following is a list of laws we expect, neigh demand to be changed by @MayorMiller. Cue the Braveheart music, because things are about to get nasty.

1. Liquor can only be sold at the LCBO.
Some are lucky enough to live near one and this law doesn’t particularly affect them. But we believe private companies deserve the right to be selling liquor in their stores just as much as the LCBO does.

2. Every 5th song on the radio must be Canadian.
Talk about desperation. Is American music that much better than ours that we need to make a law about it? It’s also a law that 30% of all music played must be Canadian. And here we were thinking we had freedom of speech. Trés sad.

3. All dogs are banned from restaurants and cafés.
Hasn’t a dog’s mouth got less bacteria than a human’s? And why can a doting mother carry her SUV stroller and screaming baby into Starbucks but we can’t bring man’s best friend? Our dogs are our children, a member of our family. To ban them from the public is both pointless and aggravating.

Courtesy of Weheartit

4. Bicyclists have right of way.
There is no license required to drive a bike. You could decide to pull a U-turn in the right hand lane – and if a car just so happens to hit you then you’ve got a lawsuit on your hands. We’re all for the environment and everything but come ON!

5. Pigeons must be kept on owners property
While reading chapter 349 of the Municipal code (what, you don’t do that too?) we discovered that all pigeon owners must keep their bird on their own property. Not that we own a pigeon or anything, but the general public wouldn’t care if one were to appear on their doorstep. This is a city after all.

6. In Toronto, theatre owners are forbidden to start a movie that will end after 2 a.m.
Is anything in this city open past 2 a.m. anymore? If New York is the only city that never sleeps then we propose Toronto offer something better pronto.

7. Possession or usage of marijuana is illegal.
Recently, our Twitter feed has been consumed by various @CannabisNews sources expressing their arguments regarding this issue. Whether it’s legal or not won’t affect the number of people who smoke pot; the same way the LCBO couldn’t control who was or wasn’t drinking in public when Sidney scored our winning goal. (See more of our argument here.)

8. Drinking in public is forbidden.
Being drunk in public we agree should be illegal. But sipping on a glass of Moet while walking our puppy shouldn’t be. Just sayin’.

9. The legal age of drinking is currently 19.
Studies have shown that binge drinkers are more rampant now than ever in teens hitting the magic age of 19. If we were to be raised appreciating alcohol and tasting it with our dinners, then there wouldn’t be such a strong desire to murder our livers in frosh week.

10. If a parking meter is broken, you still get a ticket.
If our taxes don’t pay for a properly working machine, we don’t see why one should suffer the consequences by paying more tax.

XoXo
– The Cowgirls

***** THIS JUST IN: Our new BFF @MayorMiller responded to our plea, stating “Changing laws? Its something like not us, no, yes, no, no, yes, not us, not us, not us although am sympathetic. Yes, no. OK?”  Ponies are satisfied..*****

Courtesy of Perez Hilton

Her video’s all over the news. The horror! The scandal! Our thoughts? She looks as elegant and gorgeous as ever – even when stoned on a basement couch. Here’s the thing, this is not new. Michael Phelps, Woody Harrelson, Seth Rogan, Drew Barrymore, Nicole Ritchie… celebrities everywhere are being caught for behaving…like normal people. The Cowgirls did some research to try and figure out why so many are against smoking pot  – but the trouble is, there’s not much to hate besides a potential death by carb-icide.

To get the facts straight, we went to a credible source – Vancouver: our nation’s stoner capital. After reading several studies performed there, it appears the long-term affects include bronchitis, lung disease, perception and motor performance (i.e. driving). The belief that pot kills braincells was based on a study by Dr. Robert Heath in 1980 (tested on animals) and has been discredited since as he noticed only a few damaged cells (not dead ones) that haven’t been found in recent studies. This seems like a small price compared to the heavy addictions (affecting 600,000 Canadians), liver failures, aggressive behaviours, and hangovers that alcohol brings to the table. And cancer? Harvard researchers have recently found that THC actually inhibits the growth of lung cancer cells (see for yourself here). “It’s the green medicine!” our West coast friend proclaims.

The Canadian Centre on Substance Abuse states that nearly half of all death-related car accidents have involved alcohol, whereas marijuana is related to a mere 2% (give or take) of drug-related hospital visits. Is this because alcohol is more readily available? Should both be made illegal? Of course not! In the Netherlands, adults can legally buy and use cannabis. And yet, the usage rate is equivalent to the United States (with younger people, they’re actually lower). So what? Change the law? Fight for freedom?

Courtesy of Wikia.com

Unfortunately, ponies can’t change the rules of the law. What we can change though, is how people perceive those who smoke pot. Monroe was not a “stoner” by any means. We never saw her chuckling at everything around her and inhaling Hershey bars out of her purse everyday. She was a woman who liked to escape the poster image every now and then by taking a toke. We need to let her be.

Drug usage (alcohol, weed,) is up to your own discretion. Don’t do something because Monroe or Phelps did it – do it because you want to and can acknowledge the consequences it has on your body. If you love marijuana, awesome. If you love a glass of wine instead, fantastic. If you sometimes like a joint in one hand and a glass of wine in the other, perfect. We love you all the same.

XoXo
– The Cowgirls.