Courtesy of Weheartit

Paddy’s Day is quickly approaching, and The Cowgirls have been debating whether to enroll in the drunken festivities. But no matter what happens, we wanted to share with you our guide on how to survive this holiday while retaining your class and dignity. We are not socialites, partiers, nor clubbers – we’re just ponies. And we know how to hold our liquor.

To bring with you:
-1 bottle of water.
-1 bottle of Advil.
-1 pair of flat shoes
-1 Nutrigrain Bar.
-1 container of breath mints.

Lesson 1. Ale Aid.
To impress both the guys and your liver, stick to darker ales as your drink of choice. It’s heavy and therefore takes longer to drink. The darker ales also tend to have a lower alcohol content than lager so you’re more likely to stay sober for a longer period of time. If you’re with mostly guys, order a half-pint. Guys tend to guzzle a lot faster than girls, so you can keep up with the rounds and not end up on the floor.

Lesson 2. Eat Carbs.
You know that celebrity cleanse diet you’ve been sticking by recently? Sorry darlings, but it won’t be of any help today. If all you’re eating is spinach and chickpeas then the alcohol is going to go directly to your head. A nice, hardy meal will fill your stomach and help the alcohol get through your system with ease.

Lesson 3. Don’t Take a Pony Nap.
If you decide to take a little mid-day slumber, your cycle will be completely off. You’ll end up wired until 7 a.m. and most likely end up drinking more that night than you regularly would. Stay awake all day and enjoy the night at your own pace – if you get tired, it’s not the end of the world if you head home early.

Lesson 4. Hydrate.
After each drink, order a glass of water. One for one. If you’re anything like us, we drink out of habit more than anything else. It’s simply something to do while talking with friends at a bar. Don’t look at it like a chore, if you love Vodka Sodas, just order a plain soda with lime. It’ll look like a real drink and people won’t ask questions.

Courtesy of Weheartit

Lesson 5. Dance.
If you do end up at a lounge or club of some sort, take some time to hit the d-floor with your friends. The activity will keep you from drinking but still letting you be the life and soul of the party. The best time to pop your moves is while the guys pop the bottle. Shots of any kind are a one-way ticket to Hangover street, and you don’t want to be known as “that girl who flashed the police” right?

Lesson 6. Do not commit Street-Meat’icide.
Please, for the love of Paddy, don’t hit the hot dog stand. There are other ways to get grub in the wee hours of the morning. The Lakeview Diner is open 24/7 and offers the same guilty indulgence foods you can find in any fast food restaurant. The reason we mention this is because the sick hangover feeling you get can also be due to the foods you consumed the night before. Think about what your body really needs and help it get better. Vitamin Water? Crackers? Up to you.

Lesson 7. Pick a Drinking Buddy.
Have your friend or significant other monitor your drinks. Sometimes we are blind to our own drunkenness and can find ourselves on our 6th gin and tonic without even noticing. Watch each others back without resorting to nagging or whining and they’ll thank you for it the next day. Also, don’t smoke up or dabble in any other drugs you may have been tempted to try. Tonight is not the night for that.

That’s all folks. If you have any other tips we may have forgotten, let us know in the comments!

XoXo
– The Cowgirls.