The luck of the Irish won’t save you this time.

Courtesy of Weheartit

Paddy’s Day is quickly approaching, and The Cowgirls have been debating whether to enroll in the drunken festivities. But no matter what happens, we wanted to share with you our guide on how to survive this holiday while retaining your class and dignity. We are not socialites, partiers, nor clubbers – we’re just ponies. And we know how to hold our liquor.

To bring with you:
-1 bottle of water.
-1 bottle of Advil.
-1 pair of flat shoes
-1 Nutrigrain Bar.
-1 container of breath mints.

Lesson 1. Ale Aid.
To impress both the guys and your liver, stick to darker ales as your drink of choice. It’s heavy and therefore takes longer to drink. The darker ales also tend to have a lower alcohol content than lager so you’re more likely to stay sober for a longer period of time. If you’re with mostly guys, order a half-pint. Guys tend to guzzle a lot faster than girls, so you can keep up with the rounds and not end up on the floor.

Lesson 2. Eat Carbs.
You know that celebrity cleanse diet you’ve been sticking by recently? Sorry darlings, but it won’t be of any help today. If all you’re eating is spinach and chickpeas then the alcohol is going to go directly to your head. A nice, hardy meal will fill your stomach and help the alcohol get through your system with ease.

Lesson 3. Don’t Take a Pony Nap.
If you decide to take a little mid-day slumber, your cycle will be completely off. You’ll end up wired until 7 a.m. and most likely end up drinking more that night than you regularly would. Stay awake all day and enjoy the night at your own pace – if you get tired, it’s not the end of the world if you head home early.

Lesson 4. Hydrate.
After each drink, order a glass of water. One for one. If you’re anything like us, we drink out of habit more than anything else. It’s simply something to do while talking with friends at a bar. Don’t look at it like a chore, if you love Vodka Sodas, just order a plain soda with lime. It’ll look like a real drink and people won’t ask questions.

Courtesy of Weheartit

Lesson 5. Dance.
If you do end up at a lounge or club of some sort, take some time to hit the d-floor with your friends. The activity will keep you from drinking but still letting you be the life and soul of the party. The best time to pop your moves is while the guys pop the bottle. Shots of any kind are a one-way ticket to Hangover street, and you don’t want to be known as “that girl who flashed the police” right?

Lesson 6. Do not commit Street-Meat’icide.
Please, for the love of Paddy, don’t hit the hot dog stand. There are other ways to get grub in the wee hours of the morning. The Lakeview Diner is open 24/7 and offers the same guilty indulgence foods you can find in any fast food restaurant. The reason we mention this is because the sick hangover feeling you get can also be due to the foods you consumed the night before. Think about what your body really needs and help it get better. Vitamin Water? Crackers? Up to you.

Lesson 7. Pick a Drinking Buddy.
Have your friend or significant other monitor your drinks. Sometimes we are blind to our own drunkenness and can find ourselves on our 6th gin and tonic without even noticing. Watch each others back without resorting to nagging or whining and they’ll thank you for it the next day. Also, don’t smoke up or dabble in any other drugs you may have been tempted to try. Tonight is not the night for that.

That’s all folks. If you have any other tips we may have forgotten, let us know in the comments!

XoXo
– The Cowgirls.

In light of MTV’s The Buried Life, the Cowgirls made a list of their own:

Courtesy of Weheartit.

The Buried Life asks the question: “What do you want to do before you die?” It’s a brilliant concept for a show, and we’ve been watching it religiously. But the Cowgirls decided to write a different kind of list – asking what do we not want to do? There are the obvious answers like “drink a bottle of Windex”, but there are also the everyday activities that we in particular avoid at all costs. Here is that list:

We will never, ever, ever:

1. Own a Volvo, station wagon, woody, or any combination of each.
2. Drink Jagermeister.
3. Wear a marquise shaped ring.
4. Drive under the speed limit in the passing lane.
5. Include the colour teal in any part of our life.
6. Own a pet snake.
7. Leave our home without makeup on.
8. Let our bf see us on the toilet.
9. Wear a Lululemon headband.
10. Chew gum (Hate it. Both tedious and polluting).
11. Have a five-year “plan”.
12. Borrow money from a friend.
13. Scuba dive at night.
14. Read any of the Twilight novels.
15. Stop believing in Santa Claus.
16. Get a tattoo saying “Shh” on our index finger.
17. Boo the Leafs.
18. Work on a Saturday.
19. Shop at No Frills or Costco (not a snob, just anxious around people).
20. Go to a rave (same anxiety).
21. Get a perm.
22. Floss.
23. Let our leg hair grow out.
24. Vote Liberal (or support the seal hunt).
25. Eat the gristle on steak.
26. Eat live sushi.
27. Live in the suburbs.
28. Accept Angelina Jolie as a decent, loving person.
29. Believe in cleanse diets.
30. Wear “boyfriend jeans”.

Watch The Buried Life’s season finale tonight on MTV!
XoXo
–The Cowgirls

Chatting with a brilliant British film director about the Oscars.

Courtesy of Ben Taylor

He’s mostly known for his National Stage production of The History Boys, but recently, Ben Taylor has been exploring the world of comedy by working on collaborations with Idiots of Ants and a sitcom taster for the BBC called Grippenschaaft. Together, we talked about who should win Oscar gold this Sunday, as well as what golden components make up a legendary film.

Pony: Give me the scoop on who should win best actor and actress.

Ben: Surely the Dude. It’s Jeff Bridges year I think, he was born to play this role and was awesome in it. Sometimes they give you the nod for your body of work too, success is long over due for Jeff as it’s his 5th nomination now with no wins to show for it. If not him then Colin Firth.

The actresses category shows what a weak year its been – Bullock in a made for TV movie, Mirren no one saw it, Mulligan good but very light weight, Streep best thing in an average film, Sidibe pretty decent. I bet they go for Bullock.

Pony: Ouch! Who should win the supporting roles?

Ben: I’d put a lot of money on the same duo who won the Bafta’s – Cristoph Waltz & Mo’Nique – both incredible performances.

Pony: Okay now onto your realm, best director.

Ben: Avatar isn’t my favourite film but it’s such a staggering achievement in terms of ambition & technical accomplishment… and sheer man hours, then Cameron probably deserves it. Though I still think lots of people think he’s a dick after his last performance at the Oscars and that it may stand against him. I don’t think there’s any one thing I’d look for with a director but any battle to make a film happen is pretty impressive, Bigelow sounds to have had a real scrap to make Hurt Locker so props must go to her too.

Courtesy of Avatar

Pony: What are your thoughts now on Best Picture? There are ten nominees.

Ben: Firstly, I hate that there are ten nominees, such a cringingly commercial move and again highlights how weak the films have been this year. I LOVED Basterds, easily my favourite from this bunch but it will never win. I thought Hurt Locker was great and I’d love her to beat her Ex to this Oscar. But if I’m being honest the only film from this list they’ll be talking about in 10 years time will be Avatar, it’s a landmark, whether you like it or not!

Pony: Now onto you, what do you think matters most when making a film?

Ben: It’s a very old adage but you can’t make a good movie out of a bad script, no matter what bells and whistles you wrap around it. This sounds like I’m just Cameron bashing but I think Avatar is a good example of this.

Pony: Agreed! What do you think about Baldwin and Martin hosting this year?

Ben: Very, very excited for this! It’s my ultimate double act. If they are given room to be a little bit naughty and close to the bone I think they’ll be brilliant. Steve Martin’s come back?

Pony: We’ll see! What do you think about the Oscars in general?

Ben: I love them, unashamedly. Everyone does. No matter how serious the film maker, if they say that winning this award doesn’t mean anything to them, they’re lying.

Pony: Nominations aside, who would you like to see win an Oscar? Or what film deserves to be recognized?

Ben: “A Prophet” & “Let the Right One in“, easily the best two films of this last year. The young actor from A Prophet gave one of the most mesmerizing performances I’ve ever seen.

Pony: As a director, what do you make note of when you watch a movie? What do you notice most?

Ben: To be honest I find it very easy to just switch off and take it all in, so I guess in broad terms it’s just a good story I look for. No technical thing could ever really distract me from enjoying a film.

Pony: Tell us about your upcoming projects.

Ben: Busy in the UK working on two comedy pilots but of course it’s still movies I’m gunning for.

To check out more of Ben’s work, visit his website here.
XoXo
– The Cowgirls

Yey or Neigh – Should Sarah Palin throw in the towel?

Courtesy of Reuters.

This Toronto-centered website has avoided American (and Canadian) politics for good reason until now. There’s enough corruption out there that honing in on Obama’s smoking addiction or Laura Bush’s involuntary manslaughter really isn’t a pressing matter. What is pressing? Annoying women who can’t shut up. Recently, we read a brilliant article by James Poniewozik (or Pony-wozik) in Time Magazine on the Family Guy versus Palin debate. In short, she felt personally attacked for having a child with Down syndrome even though the episode had nothing to do with her infant son, Trig, calling it “another punch in the gut”. We rolled our eyes at her and moved on. But yesterday, she brought it up again on Jay Leno. Lady, please!

Firstly, the woman who did the voice of the character on that episode actually has Down (her name is Andrea Fay Friedman). The character was assertive, intelligent, confident – and a “bitch like everyone else” as Chris mentioned on the show. Friedman fired back at Palin stating: “My parents raised me with a sense of humour. My mother did not carry me under her arm like a loaf of French bread the way former governor Palin carries her son Trig around looking for sympathy and votes.” Boom.

Yesterday on Leno, Palin mentioned how she’d like “more opportunity to follow-up on a comment made against [her].” (Fantastic.) “Like the recent one on Family Guy! Someone made a poor joke on a lame episode of Family Guy, and special needs families were asking me what I thought about it. So I commented and it gets out there in the blogosphere and I never had a chance to respond.” She then prattled on about the truth and justice, nothing worth listening to, but what do you think Toronto? We all love Family Guy, so why are ex-governors of Alaska affecting our local media? Why do us Torontonians care about what she thinks anyway?

To watch a clip from the episode, that’s why you’re still reading this right? Click here.
XoXo
– The Cowgirls