Who’s the fairest one of all? The Cowgirls play Bachelorette with Toronto’s finest.

Courtesy of Google and Mushy Pony

If choosing a favourite mayoral candidate has been somewhat of a chore for you (and let’s be honest – a snooze-fest), the Cowgirls have simplified all the important details of each one right here in this very article. Except instead of discussing their policies and political jargon, we decided to dish out the goods on the candidates themselves. Get out your roses ladies, it’s time to find the right mayor for you!

ROCCO ROSSI:
A “lover of long walks [on the beach] and challenges”, Mr. Rossi has captivated our hearts using Family Guy references on Facebook, puns on Twitter, and offering the best tasting cake ever at his benefit dinner. He’s got the world’s cutest smile, and cheeks you could pinch ’til the ponies come home. Ladies, if you like your men optimistic and fun, then Rocco the vote!

GEORGE SMITHERMAN:
This humble Minister of Energy sure likes to keep it clean. Besides helping pass Ontario’s Green Energy and Green Economic Acts, he’s also helped restore Women’s College Hospital’s independent status. So if you’re an independent woman who likes her man lean, mean and green – slither up to Smitherman!

ROB FORD:
This fierce football player likes to help out the youth and keep them fit and fighting! A natural both on and off the field, you can let him tackle your heart for just the check of a ballot! He’ll play fair with you and your future kids together. It’s the tough love you can definitely afford with Mr. Ford.

SARAH THOMSON:
She’s the creative, culturally rich gas-pumper who made it big. This founder of the Women’s Post feels Toronto’s next mayor needs a vision. Could you envision a life together with her? For those who love a blank canvas with endless possibilities, saddle up with Sarah!

JOE PANTALONE:
This Italian stallion majored in geography – so together you’ll never feel lost. With contributions to both the Exhibition Place and the BMO field, it’s pretty obvious this man knows how to party. If you want adventure with someone who can prepare savory, home-style Italian meals, leave the gun and keep the Pantalone.

GIORGIO MAMMOLITI:
He’s assisted all the Ministers, so he could certainly assist you. He also likes to expand his horizons by focusing beyond the downtown core, so you know he likes to think big. If big pictures are your game, then take a mayoral bite out of this mammoth of a Mammoliti!

…Okay, so we’ve misrepresented all of them a tad. But what say you?

–The Cowgirls

Shane Koyczan’s Short Story Long use wordplay to captivate their audience.

Courtesy of MySpace.ca

Let’s be blunt: there’s no question that this performer is not aesthetically what audiences expect to see on centre stage, spotlight beaming in on all of his glamorous imperfections. But Shane Koyczan has developed a comfort with himself that few people can pull off; a comfort that both radiates and sucks in the audience, and obliges them to listen to what he has to say: “Fuck physicality, give me some reality!”

Last night at Hugh’s Room, the band performed a sequence of “spoems” (a creative fusion of songs and poems) which could only be described as a mental workout at best. After beguiling us with his passion for words, the audience was left speechless with their complete attention focused on the unique and powerful sound being played before them.

Shane and his band put together an impressive, melodious journey through life as we know it, and life as we sometimes forget to see it: pinpointing issues at large and issues that just affect a boy and a girl rolling around between the sheets. His mixture of stand-up comedy, beat poetry, rap and folk music deserved the standing ovation his band received when the final chord was struck.

If you’re interesting in hearing this spectacular sound for yourself, they’ll be playing their last show in Toronto tomorrow at the Drake Hotel, Wednesday, July 28^th, 2010.

–Caitlin Roberts.

Talking comics and vlogging with the man who knows them best.

Courtesy of Sean Ward.net

As we pulled out our Dictaphone ready to interview daily vlogger and comic, Sean Ward, he pulled out his video camera aiming to shoot us instead. It was a classic Western duel held bang-on time for happy hour at a posh patio table along Queen East. But quick thinking isn’t his only forte; Sean has been exploring his creativity since childhood, and continuously living his dream despite all scoffs sent his way. Sitting there, aiming our technological devices at each other, he decided to fire first:

Sean: So, how did you get started in this business?

Pony: Forget it! You sold comics on the street for three years, that’s far more interesting. What was that like?

Sean: It was a lifestyle choice, really. People who have a strong negative perspective could never do what I was doing. Selling or not selling, if you just stand on a corner of Queen St. for an hour and catch how many people smile back at you or say hello back to you, you’ll understand how psychologically draining it really is.

Pony: And you do it all for these creations of yours. How did you come up with characters such as “Benny Bunny?”

Sean: I hit a slower period during the first Winter of starting the comics where I had time to develop a new concept. I just made it up as I went along, got to 48 pages and stopped. In the first story, Benny Bunny’s girlfriend gets abducted by aliens – who then send her back to Earth when they realize she’s a bunny and not a human. In the second story, he’s invited to host an awards show because he’s a rock star now…

Pony: Because of the aliens?

Sean: No. That’s irrelevant. We’ve moved on. So then Benny Bunny gets killed at this awards show and you see the ambulance taking him away. The doctors pronounce him dead, the girlfriend’s crying… The End! In the next story, called “Benny Bunny Meets God”, he meets the All-Mighty and gets sent back to Earth because his work’s not done. So then in the last story, well, that pretty much is just the lyrics to “Hey Jude” but with Benny Bunny acting them out.

Courtesy of Sean Ward

Pony: Haha I had to ask didn’t I? So where can we buy these intensely imaginative comics of yours?

Sean: You can get a few at Silver Snail, or from me directly, but largely they’re out of print. I once had a publisher who got into what I was doing, we sat down for a few meetings and stuff. But then it hit a point where he got cold feet and said: “your stuff is so darn weird, I’m not sure if anyone’s going to get it”. And I’ve never been they type to give the elevator speech to men in suits, you know? I’m just a kid who’s been drawing ever since he could tie a robe into a cape and fly around the house.

Pony: Who was your favourite superhero?

Sean: SPIDER-MAN!! I used to like Superman but he let me down. You have to keep it campy and silly and fun! That’s where DC Comics went wrong – they kept trying to paint him into this complex world with lame supporting characters like Bibbo. No, no. Spider-man is my homie.

Pony: And if you could have any superpower, what would it be?

Sean: Oh I’ve got superpowers galore! Endurance being the most useful one right now. People will mock you, especially as a comic, or they’ll constantly tell you what you should or shouldn’t be doing with your time. There’s a constructive and destructive way to look at anything, right? And it’s up to you to find the constructive way in.

Pony: Onto this daily video blogging, don’t people stare at you filming yourself all the time? Have you always been this confident in-front of a camera?

Sean: When I was a kid, I used to walk to school as if I were in a music video the entire way. Posing, dancing, and making up songs as I went. Blame it on watching too many old ’40s films but that’s what I did. I built movie sets out of my Lego pieces, shit like that. It all comes back to playing dress-up and flying around the house with my robe on. We all got teased for doing that as kids, and at some point we gave up and stopped trying to pretend. And I’m just that idiotic kid who never stopped.

Courtesy of Sarah Thomson

To check out Sean’s daily vlogging, head over to his website here, or look out for him hosting this weekend’s Toronto Independent Music Awards. For a snippet of our mutual interview, here is his video blog from that day (our awkward appearance at the end):

– Emma Farquharson

Comedian Claire Brosseau goes off men for 365 days in her Manbbatical.

Courtesy of Claire Brosseau

It’s been just over two months, and Claire Brosseau is already feeling the pangs of loneliness. A once boy-crazy comedian getting high off the thrill of dating has chosen to undergo a man-cleanse for 365 days (rules including no sex, no kissing, no flirting, no dates, etc.). Why the hell is she putting herself through this? We had to ask her ourselves.

Pony: What made you decide to start this challenge?

Claire: I’d been looking for a writing project for a long time, and I needed something to motivate me everyday. I’m 33, I feel like my career should be at a certain point by now – and it isn’t, I think, because of so much time focused on men. There are other things that are of more importance to me right now that need my undivided attention.

Pony: Do you think it’s harder at 33 to do this? As opposed to early 20’s?

Claire: In my 20’s I was certainly more boy-crazy, so I think I would have found it harder to ground myself. But now it’s more of a biological issue; I’d really like to have a baby. That’s the risk I’m willing to take in doing this.

Pony: What happens if you were to meet Mr. Right while on this challenge?

Claire: I do have this on-going crush that’s been reappearing on the blog, and he has no idea who he is; he’s exactly the ideal guy I’ve always gone for. But my dream boy never makes a good relationship. And that’s what I’m hoping to change in doing this – my perception on who Mr. Right is. He’s a comedian you see, they’re twisted individuals.

Courtesy of Claire Brosseau

Pony: It’s Eddie Della Siepe, isn’t it? How do you differentiate yourself from the women out there who are in this position unwillingly? Stuck in single-hood?

Claire: I’m a comedian, I’m used to being surrounded by men constantly. Shows, events, after-parties, everything. It’s so easy to get hookups out of that. We all understand each other, we have the same goals, the same dreams. It makes it that much easier to… well I wouldn’t say “date” per-say but definitely bone! It’s not hard to get a guy to sleep with you, but getting one to fall in love with you? That’s another story.

Pony: So this mysterious comedian-crush, what if the opposite were to come along and sweep you off your feet?

Claire: I guess we’ll see what happens. I don’t expect it to happen but if it does, he’s going to have to wait ten months. It’s just not an option for me right now. My tastes unfortunately haven’t changed, and I need to learn how to make myself happy before I contemplate who is right for me.

Pony: Speaking of making yourself happy, are you allowed to masterbate?

Claire: Yes. But it’ll never replace that feeling of being with someone else. Before this cleanse happened, I went through a nasty break-up, slept with a few comics, and was a bit of a mess. I hit sexual rock-bottom you could say. It’s like sleeping with a colleague, you see each other at the same clubs, the same shows, it gets really messy – but at the same time we all understand each other and aren’t intimidated by the idea that we might wind up as their material at some point.

Pony: Uh, ya that’s terrifying!

Claire: Well it’s always in good taste, I would never get up there and be like “I fucked Eddie Della Siepe last night” haha. But anyways, I guess the point in all this is to find out who I am as an individual. Deep down, I’ve known for a while who the right kind of guy is for me, but it’s how I’ve acted on it that needs to change. That’s what needs work right now.

Check in on Claire’s Manbbatical for daily updates on her life without men.

–Emma Farquharson