Another Week Without a Day Job

Comedian John Hastings takes us through his average, unemployed day.

Courtesy of John Hastings

Episode 17: Moving up.

This summer, I have been tossed out of a cannon and faced with some amazing personal and professional successes. I got to go to the Just For Laughs festival in both Toronto and Montreal. While there, I loved, lived and competed in the Homegrown Comedy Competition, which I was lucky enough to win. But this was not the moment I will tell my grandchildren about.

The moment that is tattooed on my brain, the moment that is forcing me away from my usual fart jokes or drinking games, was the moment I got to speak and embarrass myself in front of one of biggest comedic influences on the world.

I was doing a show at Club Soda in Montreal. And as I lumbered up to the running order of the show, picking out my intro music with the Front of House staff, I saw it. No, I gazed upon it. I was going to be performing right before Jim Norton. Norton is a New York comic; he is honest, original and different. He specializes in jokes about sex addiction and political censorship all with a huge smile on his face. He does a type of comedy where it’s not subject matter but more the comedic style that just rings true and has helped shape my own comedic voice to date. In short, his dick jokes are WAY better than my fart jokes.

So I did my set – there was laughter. Good.  I walked off and shook his hand and headed down to the green room to take in the moment. Then I thought to myself, “That wasn’t enough. I’m going to go bother him like a pimple on prom night”. He had just wrapped his set and was entering the bathroom, so naturally, I waited around outside like Jack Nicholson in The Shining. He came out, I made some chatter, we shook hands, I kept blabbing, we shook hands again – at which point he commented that he had just washed his hands. I then mentioned it was nice to open for him to which he said “you didn’t open for me”… I then felt embarrassed. He shook my hand again, and walked off.

My hero, my hand, my stalker-like grin. How many of you cubicle dwellers get to do that? Well, a lot of you probably. But at least I still have my fart jokes.

– John Hastings.