Another Week Without a Day Job

Comedian John Hastings takes us through his average, unemployed day.

Courtesy of John Hastings

EPISODE 16: Kim-Chi.

Okay, so it’s been a while since I opened my laptop and typed out some dribble for you ponies. So what have I been doing? I’m so glad you asked. I have been to a wedding, to Montreal, and to Ottawa for the fifth time in four weeks. Speaking of which, I’ve always found telling jokes to young Republicans forces me to adjust the narrative slightly. When my adventures exploring the mean streets of Toronto include dancing like a monkey for free beer – it just doesn’t have the same effect on them for some reason.

Where was I? Ottawa. Like I was saying, how could I write about Toronto from a basement telling dick jokes merely steps away from the Parliament buildings? Well this was the challenge I faced leading up to this moment in time and here is what I did (I’m building the suspense right now because I did it very well):

I did nothing. I felt my travels left me with nothing to write about and that I became as disconnected to this city as a Maple Leaf to a puck. That was until, of course, I was almost home in Toronto and decided to hit-up the Korean market for some food. As I stood in the checkout line, I suddenly became consumed with fear that the cash in my pocket may not be able to match the cost of the Kim Chi in my hand.

Turns out it didn’t. I tried to explain carefully to the cashier that I would return the Kim Chi to its home on the shelf and asked if I could leave the store relatively unscathed. Our communication was strained at best, as Kim Jong-il and I stared at each other in utter bafflement. But we were eventually saved by a group of small Korean gentlemen who helped explain what I wanted to occur. He then smiled, and I smiled because I got to buy bananas instead, and we all went along our merry way. I was especially happy though because I felt like I had been welcomed home.

Until next time,
– John Hastings