Another Week Without a Day Job

Comedian John Hastings takes us through his average, unemployed day.

Courtesy of John Hastings

EPISODE 3: The Grass is Greener.

This sudden snap of Spring weather has catapulted me from my Winter status as a hopeless recluse wandering about my Kensington apartment, to casting a net much wider in my efforts to obtain content for the pony. So today, I strapped on some khaki pants with a leather jacket, and began my daily wander enroute by bicycle. I pointed the handlebars East, heading past the vacant U of T students sipping on Trust Fund No-Foam lattés, threw my bike into fifth, and began peddling up towards the Don Valley.

Passing through Dundas Square, my face became engorged in the smell of weed shops and discount fast food. The haze of grease and hash oil discombobulated me briefly, but I managed to fight it and plop myself right onto the DVP. As I approached the dusty jewel known as the Don Valley Brick Works, I stopped for a gaze. (For those unaware, it’s basically a quarry with a collection of shallow ponds once used as clay storage lockers.) Surrounding the area are steep, grass covered hills and small footbridges invoking a Little House on The Prairie feel – somewhat attacked by a zombie’s day dream.

As I walked my bike around, taking in the beauty while staring at the families taking in the sunshine and the young couples taking in each others saliva, I smiled at this lavish vista surrounded by nature and human togetherness. The only tangible thought that entered my massively unproportionate head was:

…Holy fuck I cannot wait until these people are shackled back to their desks next week and I can enjoy this paradise in peace.

Until next time,

– John Hastings.