Another Brick in the Wall

Some laws in Toronto (and Ontario) need to be changed.

Courtesy of Weheartit

If anyone can step up against the man, it’s the Cowgirls. After a recent incident involving a suspended license, a tow truck, and three automobiles held hostage, we decided to write ourselves a little list (you know how much we love lists). The following is a list of laws we expect, neigh demand to be changed by @MayorMiller. Cue the Braveheart music, because things are about to get nasty.

1. Liquor can only be sold at the LCBO.
Some are lucky enough to live near one and this law doesn’t particularly affect them. But we believe private companies deserve the right to be selling liquor in their stores just as much as the LCBO does.

2. Every 5th song on the radio must be Canadian.
Talk about desperation. Is American music that much better than ours that we need to make a law about it? It’s also a law that 30% of all music played must be Canadian. And here we were thinking we had freedom of speech. Trés sad.

3. All dogs are banned from restaurants and cafés.
Hasn’t a dog’s mouth got less bacteria than a human’s? And why can a doting mother carry her SUV stroller and screaming baby into Starbucks but we can’t bring man’s best friend? Our dogs are our children, a member of our family. To ban them from the public is both pointless and aggravating.

Courtesy of Weheartit

4. Bicyclists have right of way.
There is no license required to drive a bike. You could decide to pull a U-turn in the right hand lane – and if a car just so happens to hit you then you’ve got a lawsuit on your hands. We’re all for the environment and everything but come ON!

5. Pigeons must be kept on owners property
While reading chapter 349 of the Municipal code (what, you don’t do that too?) we discovered that all pigeon owners must keep their bird on their own property. Not that we own a pigeon or anything, but the general public wouldn’t care if one were to appear on their doorstep. This is a city after all.

6. In Toronto, theatre owners are forbidden to start a movie that will end after 2 a.m.
Is anything in this city open past 2 a.m. anymore? If New York is the only city that never sleeps then we propose Toronto offer something better pronto.

7. Possession or usage of marijuana is illegal.
Recently, our Twitter feed has been consumed by various @CannabisNews sources expressing their arguments regarding this issue. Whether it’s legal or not won’t affect the number of people who smoke pot; the same way the LCBO couldn’t control who was or wasn’t drinking in public when Sidney scored our winning goal. (See more of our argument here.)

8. Drinking in public is forbidden.
Being drunk in public we agree should be illegal. But sipping on a glass of Moet while walking our puppy shouldn’t be. Just sayin’.

9. The legal age of drinking is currently 19.
Studies have shown that binge drinkers are more rampant now than ever in teens hitting the magic age of 19. If we were to be raised appreciating alcohol and tasting it with our dinners, then there wouldn’t be such a strong desire to murder our livers in frosh week.

10. If a parking meter is broken, you still get a ticket.
If our taxes don’t pay for a properly working machine, we don’t see why one should suffer the consequences by paying more tax.

XoXo
– The Cowgirls

***** THIS JUST IN: Our new BFF @MayorMiller responded to our plea, stating “Changing laws? Its something like not us, no, yes, no, no, yes, not us, not us, not us although am sympathetic. Yes, no. OK?”  Ponies are satisfied..*****